Regrets of Yesterday
by maraudergirl89
Summary: Bella and Edward have been in a relationship for four years, they are both successful people with busy lives and they are very much in love with each other. Something happens that will quickly change all of that. AU, all human.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight.

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I sat there, silently staring at the little piece of plastic in my hand for I don't know how long. So many thoughts were running through my head that it was extremely difficult to pick one. There were so many fears, so many doubts, so much uncertainty.

We'd never discussed this— not at length. Children were something we said we would discuss in detail when the time felt right. Our relationship had gone so smoothly, so comfortably, that we hadn't felt the need to sit down and have the more serious discussions such as children and marriage.

Edward and I had been living together for almost two years now, had been involved for over four years. I loved him more than anything in the world. I couldn't begin to imagine my life without him. He understood me in a way that no one else did; he knew me better than I knew myself at times. He was the one person I trusted most in the world. Even though I was scared out of my mind about this, there was a part of me that was beginning to fall in love with the idea of a child. Edward's child. A beautiful little boy with Edward's bronze hair. A little girl with my brown hair and his green eyes. Once the image was procured, it was hard to let go of it.

Of course I was terrified about becoming a mother. I didn't know the first thing about babies or children. Even though I always assumed I'd have kids one day, I figured it would be much later in life, and that it would be a decision that Edward and I would make together. I was by no means desperate to have a child, but it seemed it was a little late to be thinking like that, since a child was already on its way. Somehow, the thought brought a smile to my face. How could I reject the idea of a baby, if that baby was a part of Edward? How could I not love something that had been created out of Edward's and my love? I might have felt trepidation about my skills as a mother, but I knew that no matter how difficult it may be, I would learn how to be a good mother. I would strive to be a good mother, a loving, nurturing mother.

Several hours had passed since I took the pregnancy test. My bottom was cold and sore from sitting on the bathroom floor for so long. It was a good thing Edward was working late today, since he would have found it extremely odd if I went to the bathroom and spent two hours there. As Edward's name popped up in my mind, my nerves and fears began to take hold of me again. How would he react when I told him? How was I going to tell him? When should I tell him? Would he be angry he wasn't there to take the test with me? So many questions were running through my head that I was beginning to feel dizzy. Feeling like I was about to have a panic attack of epic proportions, I began taking deep breaths, exhaling after several seconds until my breathing steadied again and the dizziness passed. I got up and decided to jump in the shower before Edward got home.

After taking a soothing, hot shower, I got dressed and decided to make the one phone call I knew I couldn't put off. I called my OB/GYN and was able to schedule an appointment for the following day. I decided not to tell Edward anything one way or the other until I knew for sure after the appointment.

My restlessness was beginning to unnerve me, so I decided to make myself useful and prepare dinner. Edward would be back from work soon, hopefully. He had been so busy with cases piling up at his law firm that I wouldn't be all that surprised if he missed dinner. Still, I preferred risking making a meal he wouldn't be able to eat than to sit around and let my mind wander. At least this way I would be able to keep myself and my mind occupied.

I decided to make some lasagna, as I knew it was one of Edward's favorite dishes. It couldn't hurt to butter him up a bit before dropping the news. For the next hour I flitted about the kitchen, mixing ingredients, testing the flavors and stirring whatever needed stirring. I heard Edward opening the door and my hands began to sweat. Even though I didn't plan on saying anything, I still had the ridiculous idea that he would somehow take a look at me and just know. The rational part of my mind tried to remind me that it would be next to impossible for that to happen, seeing as, there were no noticeable changes in my body for one, and secondly, men, in particular Edward, were exceptionally unobservant.

Edward dropped his briefcase by the door and kicked off his shoes before making his way towards Bella. Just seeing her there instantly put him in a better mood, and to make things even better, she was cooking something that was sure to be delicious. He quickly wrapped his arms around her from behind and dropped a little kiss on the side of her neck before nuzzling her. Thankfully, the gesture seemed to have a calming effect on Bella, who was able to relax for the first time all day.

"You certainly are a sight for sore eyes," Edward mumbled against her neck.

"Hey," Bella said, slowly turning in Edward's arms to face him. "How was your day?"

"Absolute hell. I've never been so glad to step out of that place in my life," Edward complained. "Are you making lasagna?" he asked, having caught of whiff of the delicious smells emanating from the kitchen.

"Yeas, I am," Bella said. "Why don't you jump in the shower while I finish in here?

"Mmm, okay," he answered, kissing her before heading for the bedroom.

Bella finished the lasagna and set the table for the two of them. She grabbed a bottle of wine and was just about to open it before realizing she probably shouldn't drink, just in case her suspicions were confirmed. However, it would look a bit suspicious to Edward if they didn't have any wine, as they usually had during dinner. After considering it for a few minutes, she decided she would pour wine for Edward and decline drinking herself due to a headache.

Edward finished showering and changed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a long sleeved blue shirt that looked sinful on him. They sat down to enjoy dinner and Bella was relieved to find she was much more relaxed, and was able to get through dinner while listening to Edward complain about the load of cases he had been appointed.

After they had enjoyed their meal, Bella and Edward got ready for bed. Soon enough, they were both sleeping soundly.

The following morning, Bella woke up feeling restless. She leaned over to look at the clock on the nightstand and nearly growled out loud once she realized it was little past six in the morning. Knowing she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, she carefully pulled back the covers and slid out of bed, trying not to wake Edward. He had to be at the office at eight, and he'd been working so hard she really wanted to let him sleep as much as possible.

Putting on a robe, she headed for the kitchen to start a pot of coffee and was just about to pour herself a cup when two things happened: first, her brain reminded her that she shouldn't have coffee just in case the test turned out to be right. Second, even if her brain hadn't alerted her to the fact that coffee and a baby didn't mix well, her stomach took it upon itself to make sure she didn't have any, because as soon as the smell of the freshly brewed coffee entered her nostrils, her stomach churned unpleasantly, forcing her to run to the nearest bathroom, where she proceeded to empty her already empty stomach. It was getting harder and harder to ignore all the evidence.

Once she was sure her stomach had settled, she stood up on wobbly legs and brushed her teeth. Afterwards, she gingerly stepped into the kitchen, almost holding her breath, and proceeded to empty the offending pot of coffee as well as the cup she had poured, hoping Edward would decide to forego his usual cup.

She hesitated about making herself something to eat but she knew she couldn't spend the entire morning on an empty stomach, so she figured dry toast would be a safe choice. After putting a few slices of bread in the toaster, she began making some breakfast for Edward — blueberry pancakes were his favorite. While she was cooking she heard the sound of feet padding on the floor and turned to see a very disheveled Edward making his was towards her.

"Morning" he said, kissing her.

"Good morning," she replied. "Did you sleep well?"

"Best sleep I've had in a while. What's for breakfast?" Edward asked while peering over her shoulder.

"Blueberry pancakes," she told him with a knowing smile.

"Really?" He grinned. "You sure are spoiling me these days. Any particular reason why?" Edward asked as he pried her from the pancakes so that he could give her a very passionate kiss.

"You've been working very hard. I figured some pampering couldn't hurt," she said.

"I love you," Edward said, giving her a slow, burning kiss that left her a bit breathless.

"I love you, too. Now go sit. Breakfast will be served in a minute," Bella said, turning back to put her toast on a plate and finish the pancakes.

Once everything was done, she placed the pancakes in front of Edward, who was eagerly waiting, and sat down with her plate of toast.

"You're not having pancakes?" he asked, eyeing her dry toast, thinking it was an odd choice for her.

"No, I was just in the mood for toast," she lied.

He couldn't for the life of him remember Bella being in the mood for toast, but he decided it would be safer to just keep his opinion on the matter to himself. After a delicious breakfast, he hopped in the shower and dressed quickly before giving Bella a kiss goodbye and leaving for the office.

Once Edward had left, Bella did the washing, while checking the clock on the wall every few minutes. She had a ten o'clock appointment with her OB/GYN, Doctor Bradley, so she needed to take a shower and stop by her office to let Sophie, her assistant, know she would be unavailable for the morning.

Once she had showered, she had to choose an outfit. After debating for quite a while, she finally decided on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a short-sleeved cardigan that fell to mid thigh. She brushed her hair, grabbed her purse and headed towards her car to go to her office.

Ten minutes later, she had arrived and was greeted by Sophie as soon as she walked through the door.

"Hey Bella," Sophie said, as Bella approached her desk.

"Hey Sophie," Bella said, dropping her purse on Sophie's desk. "Any messages?"

"Yeah, I left them on your desk," Sophie answered.

"Do I have any appointments this morning?" Bella couldn't think of any previously-scheduled engagements, but she decided to confirm it with Sophie just in case.

"No, morning's clear, you do have a meeting scheduled with Andrea Miller for four o'clock today, said she wants to meet with you and go over some ideas for the wedding."

"Okay, that's good. I have to run some errands, so make sure the morning stays clear, okay?" Bella asked. It was almost 9:30, which meant she had to get going if she wanted to make her appointment in time.

"Sure, no problem," Sophie answered.

When Bella arrived at the doctor's office, the nurse told her that Dr. Bradley was running a bit late but would see her soon. Bella sighed and sat on the chairs in the waiting room, flipping back and forth through the magazine she had picked up, but not really paying attention to what she was reading. About forty minutes later, Doctor Bradley finally emerged and called her name. Bella nervously made her way towards the doctor's office, greeting her warmly as she entered.

"Hello, Bella, it's nice to see you." Doctor Bradley smiled.

"It's nice to see you too, Doctor," Bella answered while Doctor Bradley went through Bella's medical history.

"Well, it seems you were here not too long ago for your standard check up. So, what brings you here today?"

"Well," Bella began, nervously twisting her fingers. "I think I might be pregnant"

"I see. When was your last menstrual cycle?" the Doctor asked, scribbling on Bella's chart.

"About five weeks ago," Bella answered.

"Have you experienced any type of discomfort? Nausea, dizziness, tiredness?"

"No dizziness, but I have been pretty tired, though I wouldn't say I've been more tired than usual, and I hadn't felt any nausea until this morning. It was actually the smell of coffee that seemed to cause it."

"What about headaches?"

"I've had some headaches," she admitted.

"More so than usual?" the Doctor asked. Bella nodded.

"Okay, have you experienced any other type of pain, such as backaches, tender or swollen breasts?" Bella stopped to consider this question for a moment, and a memory of Edward making a comment about her breasts came to mind.

"Umm, my breasts are a little tender and slightly swollen."

"Okay, well everything seems to point towards pregnancy, but we'll run some tests just in case, okay? Doctor Bradley asked as she put Bella's chart down. Bella nodded and headed towards the bathroom to change into the paper gown the doctor gave her. Once she had changed, she sat on the examination table so that Doctor Bradley could take a blood sample and perform other routine tests. While they waited for the blood test results to come back, Doctor Bradley talked to Bella about her options in case she turned out to be pregnant. While they waited for the results, Bella went back to the bathroom to change back into her clothes. After about fifteen minutes, a nurse knocked on the door and walked over to give Doctor Bradley the results.

"You're pregnant," Doctor Bradley announced. "No surprise there, huh?" she asked with a smile. Bella smiled back.

"Not really,"

"You're about four weeks along, which means your due date should be around November fifth, however, due dates are tentative so any time between two weeks prior and two weeks after is fair game," Doctor Bradley explained while Bella's mind tried to wrap around all the information.

"I'm going to prescribe some prenatal vitamins. You should take one a day, if they cause any discomfort such as nausea you should stop by and I'll prescribe you another kind," the doctor said as she wrote the prescription.

"Now, let's talk about coffee." Doctor Bradley smiled at Bella.

"I don't think coffee is gonna be a problem for me Doctor Bradley," Bella said.

"Maybe not right now, since your hormones are going into overdrive and the morning sickness is starting to kick in. However, once it goes away you'll probably start missing coffee. My recommendation is that you drink as little coffee as possible, however, if you find that you absolutely need to have some then you can have a cup a day, and that's it. I'm afraid more than one cup a day would be overdoing it."

"Only one cup a day. Okay." Bella nodded.

"Of course, drinking and smoking are out of the question."

"Absolutely," she agreed.

"I'll give you some pamphlets about pregnancy care, breastfeeding and other topics, and any questions you may have feel free to call or just drop by. I'd like you to make an appointment for me to see you around the ninth week so we can do an ultrasound and make sure everything is going according to schedule, okay?" Doctor Bradley asked.

"Sure, I'll make an appointment on my way out," Bella said, gathering her purse and getting ready to leave.

"Okay then, congratulations," Doctor Bradley said warmly.

"Thank you," replied Bella.

After scheduling her next appointment, Bella got into her car and debated what she would do next. She should go back to work, but her mind was in such a haze she doubted she would be able to accomplish anything. She decided to head to a drugstore to pick up her prenatal vitamins first and then go to the office. Edward wouldn't be back until later tonight, so there was really no point in her going home. She might as well try to get some work done. Besides, there was much to figure out, like how her pregnancy would affect her working hours, and how her maternity leave would affect her work. She would have to prepare Sophie to run the place by herself while she was gone.

Also, there was the whole Edward thing. More specifically, the how-am-I-going-to-tell-Edward thing. Even though she was pretty terrified of the whole pregnancy herself, she was more worried about how Edward would take it. She realized they should have taken the time to have a proper conversation about this a long time ago, but they had always been careful, so they figured when they were ready they would sit down and have a serious discussion and decide whether or not they were ready to have a baby. Instead, she now had to sit down with her boyfriend and explain that a baby was ready to have them, apparently.

The rest of the day flew by, and Bella couldn't really remember anything about it after her appointment. Finally, it was time to close, so Bella left some instructions for Sophie and left her to close down.

The first thing she did when she arrived at Edward's and her apartment was to take her prenatal vitamin and stash the bottle in the medicine cabinet where he couldn't find them.

Then, she decided to shed her clothes and put on something a little sexier — like the sheer, black negligee Edward was so fond of — with a pair of skimpy panties underneath. While she was putting the finishing touches on herself, she went to stand in front of the mirror and was just about to adjust the straps of the negligee when her eyes fell to her breasts. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed how swollen her breasts actually were. Edward would surely notice very quickly. Between how plunging the neckline was and how swollen her breasts were, he was sure to have a very hard time keeping his eyes off that area.

She sprayed on a little perfume and headed towards the kitchen to get the takeout menus, since she wasn't really in the mood to cook. She decided on Italian, so she ordered two servings of pasta with mascarpone cheese, chicken, sun-dried tomatoes and spinach and for dessert, some tiramisu.

While she waited for the food, she tried to clean up a bit around the apartment, picking up some dirty clothes lying around and shoes that were scattered here and there. She called Edward to make sure he was going to make it to dinner and then she set the table in their small dinning room, placing a few candles on the table to be lit later.

The doorbell rang, so she ran to her bedroom to put on her robe and went to pay for the food. Since Edward wasn't there yet, she turned on the oven to keep the food warm and put the tiramisu in the fridge. About ten minutes later, she heard Edward open the door so she headed over there to greet him. He had his back to her and was in the process of kicking off his shoes by the door. Once he turned around and caught a glimpse of her, his jaw almost dropped to the floor. He quickly made his way towards her to get a much closer view of the incredible sight.

"Wow," he said.

"Do you like it?" Bella smiled.

"Wow," Edward repeated. As predicted, his eyes immediately fell to her breasts.

Bella slowly got closer, wrapping her arms around him before kissing him sweetly. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to deepen the kiss, but she broke it before he could do it.

"I have dinner ready. Why don't you go change into something more comfortable while I serve it?" Bella whispered.

"Whatever you say," Edward whispered back.

She lit the candles, served dinner, and was sitting at the table waiting when he came out. He sat down in front of her and could barely keep his eyes away from her long enough to eat. Dinner went by quietly. Once they were finished, Edward took the empty plates to the kitchen while Bella retrieved the tiramisu from the fridge and told him to sit on the couch. Grabbing two spoons, she headed towards the living room to join him. They shared dessert, feeding each other and kissing in between bites. Bella hesitated between telling him the news now or later.

"I have some news to tell you," she began in a timid voice, once they had finished eating.

"What's that?" Edward asked while nibbling on her neck while trying to lower the straps of her negligee.

"I actually need you to concentrate on what I'm saying," Bella lightly protested, not that she wasn't enjoying his ministrations.

"I'm concentrating _very_ much," he said, taking her left earlobe in his mouth, lightly biting on it.

"Edward," Bella said.

"Hmm?"

"I'm pregnant." She felt him freeze, completely stopping his movements. He pulled back to look at her and stared at her for about a minute.

"You're what?" he asked.

"Pregnant," she repeated.

"But we've always been careful," he pointed out.

"I know, but sometimes these things happen. Birth control isn't one hundred percent accurate," Bella pointed out. He stayed silent for a bit after that.

"So, you're sure?"

"I went to my OB/GYN this morning. She confirmed it." Once again, Edward remained silent.

"Edward, are you okay?" Bella asked worriedly.

"It's just a lot to take in," Edward answered. Bella decided to take matters into her own hands. She couldn't stand to look at him just sitting there, knowing his mind was thousands of miles away. She slowly climbed onto his lap, and placing her hands on either side of his face, she inched closer to him until she was able to lightly place her lips on his. He didn't respond at first, which is why she decided to add a little pressure.

After a few seconds, she felt him begin to relax, and slowly his hands found their way to her bare legs, lightly caressing them, before moving up towards her hips. Bella softly traced his lips with her tongue, silently asking him to grant her permission, which he did. She slowly let her tongue enter his mouth and begin to play with his. She noticed his breathing was becoming more labored and decided to make her kisses even more passionate.

Edward's hands began roaming up and down her back, before one of his hands went up to the strap of her negligee and tried to lower it. Bella broke away from the kiss and told him to take her to their bedroom, so he did.

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***AN: hello everyone! I'm back after a ver long time, but this time I'm writing for Twilight.**

**I'd like to thank my beta, miss tiffanyanne3, who was a lot of help and was very quick to get this chapter back to me!**

**I'm anxiously awaiting to hear your thoughts, so please review and let me know what you thought, good or bad I still want to hear it!**

**Love, Rory.*  
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	2. There's no problem

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

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EPOV

The morning after Bella told me about the pregnancy, I woke up at six, long before the alarm went off. I'd tossed and turned the entire night, my mind too worked up to be able to sleep properly. I just didn't really know what to think or how to react to the news. I know that freaking out and doubting myself were normal reactions for any man that had just been told he would become a father in a matter of months, but I was afraid that I wouldn't ever stop freaking out. I just didn't feel ready for this; it was pretty much the last thing I'd been worried about, until Bella said she was pregnant, and then it became the first thing I worried about. The second thing was my ability to be a father.

I had many friends and co-workers who were fathers, and I'd heard them many times repeating the same thing. Women become mothers when they get pregnant, men become fathers when they see their baby. It certainly seemed to be the case for me, because I felt no attachment towards this baby. True, it had only been a couple of hours since I found out, but still, I was becoming worried that this lack of attachment would last.

What kind of a father would I be if I had no feelings for my child? What kind of a partner would I be to Bella if I had no feelings for her child? I could tell Bella was already attached to the idea of a baby, to the baby itself — I suppose that's to be expected seeing as the baby is in her — but I could already tell it wouldn't be that simple for me, and that worried me.

The rest of the day went by, and even though I'd had a jam packed day at the office, I couldn't remember anything about the day. It seemed as though I had sleep-walked through the entire day. I hadn't told anyone about the recent development in my life, though I'd have to eventually. It just seemed like saying it out loud would make it more real, and I wasn't really ready for that just yet.

Bella was hesitant with me. I could tell she realized I still hadn't come out of my shock, which prompted her to be very soft-spoken and gentle, more so than usual. I hated the fact that I was the reason she was acting that way. She should be celebrating, laughing, and sharing the news with everyone who cared about her. A child was a blessing. I just wasn't sure if it would be a blessing for me.

But Bella was born to be a mother. Even though we hadn't been around many children, I could tell she was a natural. Babies never fussed when they were in her arms; she was able to quiet down even the most rambunctious of kids just by rocking them lightly. Even I couldn't deny that Bella with a baby in her arms was a beautiful sight to behold. There was a certain rightness to the image. I wished with all of my heart that all these thoughts could overpower the growing anxiety I felt towards my impending fatherhood.

When I arrived home that day I found Bella working in her office. She seemed to be concentrating very hard in what she was doing, so I approached her and gave her a light kiss and went to change out of my work clothes. My cell phone rang, and I looked at the screen to see my brother Emmet's name blinking at me.

"Hey."

"Hey, are you busy?" Emmet asked.

"Not really, what's up?"

"Come out for a beer with Jasper and me. We're going to that Irish pub a few blocks from my house."

"I'm not really in the mood, Emmet."

"C'mon, we haven't seen each other in a while," Emmet insisted.

"Fine. I'll meet you there in half an hour."

"See ya," Emmet said before hanging up.

I sighed and closed my phone. I didn't really feel like going out on the one hand. On the other hand, some time away from the whole situation might do me some good. Besides, I really hadn't seen my brother and brother-in-law in quite a while.

After showering and changing, I went over to Bella to let her know I was going out. About fifteen minutes later, I pulled up in front of the pub.

"Hey! Look who's here!" Emmet shouted over the loud music, standing up to give me a hug.

"Long time no see," I hugged Emmet and then Jasper.

"Seems you've been keeping busy," Jasper said, taking a sip from his bottle.

"All I've been doing is working lately," I complained. I caught the waitress's eye and signaled for a beer.

"That sucks. At least tell me you'll make partner soon," Emmet said.

"I better. I'll go crazy if I don't. What have you two been up to?"

"Same old, same old. The gym's doing pretty well," Emmet said. He was the owner of a recently-opened, state-of-the-art gym.

"That's great," I said as the waitress brought me my beer. "How's Rose?"

"She's good. Actually, she just cut back her hours at the hospital."

"How come?" Jasper asked.

"Well, we've been married for a while, we both have stable jobs and things are really good between us, so we figured now would be a good time to start trying," Emmet smiled. I felt like bashing my head against the table repeatedly. Just what I needed, more baby talk.

"That's awesome. Congratulations," Jasper said, tipping his beer towards Emmet.

"Thanks. What's going on with you and my sister?"

"Guys, I love your sister, really I do. But she's driving me up the wall. There are pieces of fabric covering every inch of my house," Jasper complained.

"You knew what Alice was like before you married her," I reminded him, thankful to have left the baby talk behind.

"I know, but I swear she's gone mental. She said she was going to design a _few _pieces for the store, but the way she's been going on you'd think she was getting ready to go to fashion week."

"Just so you know, the fact that you even know what fashion week is is very disturbing," Emmet said seriously.

"Fine, mock me. I'll be sure to let Alice know where to look when she needs models."

"Alice knows better than that. Why would she call us when she has Bella and Rosie?" Emmet said, grinning.

"Speaking of, how is the lovely Miss Swan?" Jasper asked me.

"Are you planning on making an honest woman out of her anytime soon?" Emmet asked.

"Bella is…fine. She's fine," I stuttered, taking a sip from the bottle.

"Really, Edward, could you be more sterile while talking about the most important person in your life?" Jasper frowned at me. I studiously avoided both of their eyes.

"Are you two having problems?" Emmet asked.

"You're not breaking up, are you? Because if Alice gets wind of this she's going to flip out."

"We're not breaking up" I said in a curt tone.

"But there is a problem," Emmet prodded.

"There's no problem," I insisted.

"Then why are you being such an asshole?" Jasper asked.

"I'm not being an asshole, all I said was she is fine."

"If you're being an asshole to Bella, Alice will have your balls."

"I'm not being an asshole to Bella," I said, though it wasn't that far from the truth.

"Is she mad because you've been working too much?" Emmet asked.

"No, she's not mad. I said everything's fine. Can you drop it?" I snapped.

They stayed silent for about a minute, looking at me while I did everything I could to avoid looking at them.

"She's pregnant," I sighed. Another silent minute followed.

"You don't seem all that excited about it," Jasper said carefully.

"I'm just…I'm freaking out. I'm not ready to be a father; I don't know anything about babies."

"Nobody's ready to become a parent. You'll learn as you go, you'll make mistakes, but you and Bella will learn," Emmet tried to reassure me.

"It's perfectly normal for you to freak out, but it'll go away," Jasper added. I nodded and kept my mouth shut. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was much more than freaking out.

"C'mon, next round's on me. I want to celebrate the fact that I'm gonna be an uncle," Emmet said, standing up and heading to the bar.

I gave them a tight smile and tried to enjoy the "celebration".

It was past midnight when I got home. As much as I had enjoyed seeing Emmet and Jasper again, the evening had left me drained. All the lights were out in the apartment, except for a few lamps in the living room. I went over to turn them off and spotted Bella sleeping soundly on the couch. She looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful, but they way the light danced across her face made her glow. I sat on the edge of the couch and carefully brushed a strand of hair back from her face. I noticed she had a book lying on her chest, so I grabbed it and was just about to place on the table when I glanced at the title: _What To Expect When You're Expecting_. My heart constricted painfully when I realized the reason she had been reading the book was because I wasn't around.

I softly brushed her cheek with the back of my hand. The guilt was becoming more and more oppressive. I felt like I was keeping her from enjoying all of this. I felt like I was letting her down. I knew I was letting her down. I should have been there, reading that book with her. I should be asking questions, taking an interest in the baby. But I couldn't. The mere thought of the baby made my throat feel like it was closing up.

I gently picked her up from the couch, carrying her to our bedroom. After getting ready myself and making sure Bella was comfortable, I turned out the light and tried to get some sleep.

BPOV

I woke up the following morning feeling a bit confused. I couldn't remember climbing into bed, which meant Edward had probably carried me. I turned around and found Edward's spot empty. It wasn't even seven o'clock! I sighed. This had been going on since I'd told Edward about the baby. I knew he wasn't sleeping well, tossing and turning all night and getting up at the crack of dawn. As I was lying there thinking, I was hit by a bout of nausea. I barely made it to the bathroom before emptying my stomach. Once I was sure I was done, I brushed my teeth and washed my face.

I entered the kitchen to find Edward reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. I tried to steer clear of the coffee since the baby seemed not to like the smell and made myself some toast.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah, just morning sickness," I mumbled.

Edward remained quiet after that. I realized any baby-related topic made him uncomfortable, so breakfast went by very quietly. After he left for work, I cleaned the dishes and was just about to get dressed when the phone rang.

"Oh my God!" an incredibly high-pitched scream was the first thing I heard.

I actually groaned once I recognized the high-pitched voice.

"Alice."

"Oh my God!" she repeated.

"Alice, you need to stop yelling."

"How could you not tell me, Bella?" Alice screamed, rather than asked.

"Tell you what?"

"You know what. Don't play dumb with me Isabella Marie." Her tone went from yelling to reproachful.

"How did you even know?"

"Jazz told me."

"Who told Jazz?" I asked, confused.

"Edward."

"Oh." I was quiet for moment. "I'm sorry, I just didn't know we were telling people."

"Regardless, I should have been the first to know." Now she sounded like a sullen child.

"I think Edward had to know before you, Ali."

"Never mind that now. We need to get together to start planning ASAP." I didn't like the sound of that at all.

"Planning for what?" I asked wearily.

"Your baby shower, dummy."

"Alice! I'm barely four weeks along. I think it's a bit early for a baby shower."

"Well, we're not having it right now. We'll need months of planning and arrangements."

"It's just a gathering. How much planning could it possibly take?"

"Do you even know me?" Alice asked indignantly. "This is not _just a gathering_. It's going to be the best baby shower ever, and if I'm going to pull this off I'll need all the time I can get."

"Alice, no planning. At least not right now."

"Fine. So, how are you?"

"Al, I'd really love to keep talking, but I need to be at the office soon. How about I call you later and we make plans for lunch or something?"

"Sure, sounds great. I'll talk to you later."

"Before you go, is there any chance you haven't told everyone about this?"

"Relax, your secret's safe with me."

"Really?"

"Oh, ye of little faith. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, bye."

Thankfully, I didn't have a very busy day ahead of me, so I was able to make plans for lunch with Alice. We agreed to meet at a restaurant near my office. I'd been sitting at a table waiting for Alice for about ten minutes when I spotted her getting out of her car with Rosalie. I was surprised to see Rose had been able to join us seeing her schedule wasn't very flexible.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed, quickly enveloping me in a hug.

"Hi, Al."

"You look great" Rose said as we hugged.

"Thanks, you do, too."

"How are you feeling?" Alice asked eagerly.

"I'm good. Morning sickness is a bitch, though."

"Morning sickness? You're pregnant?" Rose asked, surprised.

"You actually kept a secret?" I asked Alice in amazement.

"I told you I would," she huffed.

"Yeah, I'm about four weeks along," I said to Rose.

"That's so great! My baby's gonna have a little cousin to play with," Rose exclaimed.

"You're pregnant too?" Alice asked.

"Not yet. But Emmet and I will start trying soon." Rose smiled. I smiled back at her and placed my hand on top of hers.

"You're gonna be a great mom, Rose."

"Thanks. So will you"

"So, are you excited?" Alice asked.

"You know, I kind of am. I mean, I'm still terrified, but there's a part of me that's really looking forward to seeing her."

"Her?" Rose asked.

"I'm not sure, but I have a feeling it's gonna be a girl."

"Ohh, think of all the pretty dresses and outfits we can get her!" Alice clapped excitedly.

"Do not start shopping until we know for sure, Mary Alice," I admonished, grinning once I saw the sullen look on Alice's face.

"So, you're going to find out the sex?" Rose asked.

"We haven't decided yet," I said, avoiding their eyes.

"Is Edward freaking out? I bet he's totally freaking out." Alice laughed.

"He's freaking out alright."

"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good. Is everything okay?"

"It's nothing. He's just been really distant with me since I told him," I mumbled.

"He's probably scared. He'll come around. You'll see." Rose tried to comfort me.

"Yeah, I'm sure he will. Still, you guys can't say anything about this until we've told everyone."

They both agreed not to say anything. We placed our order and enjoyed our lunch, talking about everything and trying very hard to stay clear of the elephant in the room.

Time flew by and before I knew it, I had entered the ninth week in my pregnancy. Physically, not a lot had changed. I was a bit thicker in the waist and I had gone up a bra size, but other than that there was nothing that indicated I was pregnant.

However, morning sickness became all-day sickness, since I tended to get sick at different times during the day. Not having morning sickness during a specific part of the day complicated things, but I was hopeful I'd develop a routine soon, so to speak. Of course, morning sickness continued to freak Edward out. So tension was particularly high after my bouts of sickness.

The other new development I currently hated was my mood swings. It seemed pretty much anything could make me cry. Also, I could go from crying to laughing and back to crying in a matter of seconds, literally. This did absolutely nothing to help with the Edward situation. He continued to be withdrawn from me, burying himself in work and avoiding everything that had to do with the baby.

He had agreed to go with me to my OB/GYN appointment, so I felt hopeful that maybe things were starting to look up. We had agreed to wait until after this appointment to tell our families about the baby. It was one of the few discussions we'd had about the baby.

The morning of my appointment started out as usual. We got up, had breakfast, and then Edward left for the office, saying he had to go over some files and that he would meet me at the appointment. I decided to stop by my office as well to drop off some photo samples, and while I was there Edward called.

"Hey, are you on your way to the doctor's?" I asked.

"Umm, no. Listen, something's come up here. An emergency hearing was called for one of the cases I've been overseeing, so I'll have to go to court"

"Oh. Will that take long? Maybe you can still make it in time. Doctor Bradley usually runs a little late," I said, hoping he would still go.

"I don't think so, Bella. I'm really sorry but I can't get out of this hearing."

My throat was starting to constrict painfully.

"Okay," I croaked out. "I guess I'll see you later." I hung up before he could say anything else. I took a few minutes to compose myself before saying goodbye to Sophie.

The prenatal appointment went by smoothly. Doctor Bradley asked me a series of questions about any pains I may have been experiencing, morning sickness, and any concerns I may have. Then she checked my weight, blood pressure and urine. She checked the baby's position and listened to the heartbeat before stating that everything was going according to plan. Feeling better, I went back to the office to try to get some work done.

However, I found it nearly impossible to work. I couldn't concentrate longer than ten seconds. My mind was overwhelmed and my already fragile emotions were going into overdrive. Edward not keeping his promise to go to the appointment with me had definitely struck a nerve. One I wasn't sure I wanted to delve into. Edward had been distant and cold, almost completely withdrawn from me. I'd never felt so lonely in my life. Despite what people said, I was terrified to explore the possibility that Edward's non-committal attitude towards the baby was due to something much more important than nerves or fear. I was afraid too, not only about becoming a mother, but also about the possibility that I would end up being a single mother. It wasn't like I was completely blind about Edward's actions and reactions. I was just terrified of confronting him about them. I was terrified of pushing him, only to have him confirm my biggest fears. He was already slipping away from me as it was. I was afraid even the slightest push would send him over the edge.

I was surprised to get a call from Esme, Edward's mother, telling me that she had planned a family dinner and hoped Edward and I could make it. Having agreed to go, I decided to call Alice and ask her to go shopping with me. Even though I wasn't showing yet, my clothes definitely fit more snugly and I was starting to get uncomfortable. I was also in desperate need of new bras, since I had grown out of my old ones. Naturally, she was ecstatic about the prospect of shopping.

After two painful hours of Alice dragging me from store to store, bickering about maternity clothes, which I insisted I didn't need yet, I was finally home. It was a little past seven, and we were supposed to be at the Cullens' at eight, so I had to hurry. After deciding on an outfit, I jumped in the shower. I heard Edward enter the apartment about ten minutes later. We didn't speak much as we both went about getting ready for dinner. He had apologized as soon as he saw me, to which I responded with a curt "okay". We arrived at Esme and Carlisle's at eight o'clock on the dot. Soon enough, we were sitting in the living room, drinks in our hands, making chit chat while we waited for everyone else to arrive. About five minutes later, Jasper and Alice arrived followed closely by Emmet and Rosalie. Conversation was flowing smoothly between everyone. Until the proverbial cat was out of the bag.

"So, Edward." Esme began in a soft voice. "When were you planning on telling us that you and Bella are having a baby?" Edward choked on the wine he had just sipped. I turned to look at Alice.

"You told them?" I asked Alice, outraged.

"You knew?" Carlisle asked her.

"I didn't say anything, I swear."

"Rose?" I turned to my other friend.

"Not me," Rose said, putting her hands up.

"So, the two of you knew?" Esme asked. Rose, Alice and I turned to look at Jasper.

"What are you looking at me for? I didn't spill the beans!" he exclaimed indignantly.

"You told Alice," I pointed out.

"She's my wife," he defended. Meanwhile, Edward remained quietly observing everyone while Emmet studiously avoided everyone's eyes.

"Emmet!" Rose yelled. "You are such a gossip."

"I thought they already knew," he said, pouting like a child.

"Well, they didn't," I pointed out. "The reason why we hadn't told you yet was because we were waiting until my checkup to make sure everything was good," I explained to Esme and Carlisle.

"When's your checkup?" Carlisle asked.

"Actually, it was today. Everything seems to be going well. I'm about nine weeks along."

"Oh, this is so great!" Esme squealed. "A grandchild! I'm so happy."

"I think this calls for a toast," Carlisle said. Everyone got up and we clinked glasses as Edward and I avoided looking at each other.

* * *

***AN: Hi! An update in a week, I'm very proud of myself! I hope everyone will enjoy this chapter and I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say about it, so don't be shy!**

**Once again, I'd like to thank my beta, miss tiffanyanne3, who did a wonderful job and made some very astute commnents about this chapter!**

**Hopefully, I'll be able to keep up this pace of updating once a week, but it might not be the case this week since I have to very importante exams coming up, but I promise to do my best.**

**Love, Rory.*  
**


	3. She deserves better

BPOV

The day after the rest of the Cullen family found out about the pregnancy was the day I told Sophie that I was pregnant. Naturally she became very excited, not only about the baby but also about the fact that me taking my maternity leave meant she would get the chance to run the office by herself and get some experience dealing with clients firsthand. I had already made a note of the events that were scheduled around the time I would be on leave, and I was spending the day briefing her and letting her become familiarized with the clients' accounts. All in all, prepping Sophie was proving to be quite productive, especially since it efficiently distracted me from the whole situation with Edward.

The days went by quickly. Both Edward and I were busy with work, so there wasn't much chance for confrontations or awkward situations. I had called Renee the day before to tell her the news. She squealed with excitement and promised to come visit as soon as Phil's schedule would allow it. I loved my mother very much, but I seriously doubted that trip would be happening any time soon. With luck, Renee would be here before the baby's first birthday. Although she did the best she could, motherhood was not for Renee. She had always been more of a friend than a mother; therefore, all the responsibility fell to me. Before I left Jacksonville to go live with Charlie, I had been in charge of cooking, grocery shopping, paying the bills and the laundry because Renee was too much of a "free spirit", so to speak, to do it herself. Once Phil came along, I knew she would be taken care of and decided it was time to spend time with Charlie and let Renee enjoy her life with Phil.

I sighed, realizing I still had to tell Charlie the news. Despite the fact that I was a fully grown woman, the prospect of telling Charlie that I was pregnant was a bit scary. However, time was running out. Between Edward's family already knowing and the fact that I would probably start to show soon, a visit to my dad's house would have to be scheduled soon.

Since the eventful dinner at the Cullens' a few days ago, I had been speaking with Alice and Rosalie quite frequently, venting about my frustrations and fears about Edward. I decided to implement the advice Alice had given me during our last conversation. Despite being terrified of Edward confirming my fears, I knew Alice was right, and I had to confront him. I was sick and tired of tiptoeing around him; I needed his support, his love, his understanding. Alice had suggested that I force Edward to acknowledge the baby situation by being more upfront about all the baby-related stuff, like suggesting shopping trips for baby stuff, or mentioning ideas for the nursery or even a strategically-placed book of baby names. I thought it was a great idea since it was less likely to lead to a fight, and Edward would have no choice but to talk about the baby. The following afternoon after work, I headed to the nearest bookshop and purchased a book of baby names along with a few other pregnancy and birth books and a book called _The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be __for Edward. _However, before I had a chance to put in motion my plan, or Alice's plan really, I was treated to quite the surprise when I got home.

As soon as I entered, I was greeted by an exuberant Edward, who quickly came over to greet me with the most passionate kiss we'd shared in weeks.

"Hi," he said before kissing me again.

"Hello," I replied a bit confused.

"I hope you're hungry. I made dinner," Edward said before taking the bags I had been holding and helping me take off my coat. He deposited everything on the couch and led me towards the table where dinner was waiting.

"You look beautiful," he whispered before kissing me quickly. He pulled out my chair and then sat down across from me giving me the most radiant smile I had seen in quite a while.

"You seem happy," I pointed out smiling at him.

"I am. I got some pretty exciting news today."

"Let's heart it," I said.

"You know that case I've been working on? The Dillon case?" he asked. I nodded. "Stevenson, one of the senior partners, stopped by my office today to see how it was going and said he was really pleased with my performance. He said that if I won the case I would probably be made partner in a few months."

"Oh my God! That's amazing, Edward."

"Do you know what this means? I could finally stop working such crazy hours; I could take a day off here and there. I can't even remember the last time I took a day off," Edward said.

Dinner was a cheerful affair. Edward was in such a good mood it was hard not to get caught up in it. After finishing, I was standing in front of the sink washing the dishes when I felt Edward wrap his arms around me from behind and softly place a kiss on the side of my neck. It felt so good to receive that kind of attention, especially after the last few tension-filled weeks in which he had pretty much avoided all contact with me. Once I finished, I dried my hands and turned around to face him. He placed a short, almost hesitant kiss on my lips before leaning down again and kissing me much more passionately. Soon, we were moving in the direction of our bedroom, discarding our clothes as we went before landing on our bed and making love.

This continued throughout the rest of the week. I would arrive home from work to find dinner on the table. Edward would either cook or get take out. Then we'd clean everything up, and as soon as we were done we would head straight to the bedroom, clinging to each other and leaving a trail of clothes behind us. I was ecstatic naturally. Even though we still weren't discussing the baby or any baby-related topic, I felt like this was the turning point that I had been waiting for. Little did I know, this would actually be the calm before the storm.

About a week after Edward had received his good news, I woke up to find something that had definitely not been there the night before. A baby bump. It was small, hardly noticeable underneath clothes, but since I was in my underwear it was quite visible. I was absolutely perplexed. I softly ran my hand over it, noticing how hard it was. I went to stand in front of the full-length mirror and was so busy looking at myself from all possible angles that I didn't hear Edward come into the room. I looked up in the mirror and saw him staring at my belly with a look that was a mixture of shock and absolute fright. It was a few minutes before either one of us made a move. It was Edward who broke the spell, turning away from me to head towards the closet to get a tie. I was almost holding my breath, not sure what to expect from Edward. Everything had been going so well the past week that I wasn't quite sure what to expect. But it seemed like this was a bit too much for him.

Finding something to wear was tricky. I didn't want to wear anything that was too baggy nor something that was too tight. The real problem was finding a pair of pants that fit, since my waistline had expanded overnight. I realized I would have to make a shopping trip soon for maternity clothes, particularly for pants with expanding waistlines. After settling on a skirt and a blouse, I went to the kitchen to have some breakfast. Edward was sitting at the table, quietly eating his cereal. While I made myself some toast, he rinsed his plate and quickly walked over to me to place a light kiss on my head before murmuring a goodbye and leaving. I sighed deeply, praying this new development wouldn't cause a setback in our relationship.

But as the days went by, Edward became withdrawn and indifferent, just as he had been before. I was heartbroken to see that what had happened the week before had been an exception and that Edward's attitude hadn't changed at all. I decided not to wallow in my misery and to put my plan into motion. I left the baby book on our bed and went on the internet to look at cribs and strollers, so that when Edward got home, he would see what I was looking at. I had also called my father that morning and made plans for Edward and me to go visit him the following day.

I was once again disappointed when Edward came home and made no comment or acknowledgment about the websites I was looking at. I was just about to ask for his opinion on a particularly ugly crib, just to get him to talk about it, when I remembered I had to tell him I'd made plans with Charlie, and I was afraid the crib would push him over the edge, so I turned off the computer and went into the bedroom where he was changing out of his work clothes.

"I talked to my dad today," I said from my place at the threshold.

"Did you?" he asked while he changed. "How is he?"

"He's good. He wants to see us. I told him we would go visit him after work tomorrow. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure," He answered distractedly.

"Are you going to be able to make it?" I insisted.

"Yes, it won't be a problem."

"I figured we should probably tell him about the baby while we're there," I said, waiting to see how he would react. He froze for a few seconds before he went back to looking for shoes.

"Okay, whatever you want."

That was pretty much the extent of our conversation for the day. We had a _very _quiet dinner and then went to bed. After having enjoyed being intimate the entire week, I felt as though we were miles apart from each other instead of being in the same bed.

When the time came to head over to Charlie's the following day, I sat on the couch impatiently, looking at my watch every few minutes. Edward was running late. After half an hour had passed and I still hadn't heard from Edward, I decided to call him. The call went straight to voicemail. A few minutes later, just as I was about to call him again, I got a text message. _Stuck in court. Sorry. Can't make it. _I felt my eyes well up with tears. I breathed deeply a few times, trying to compose myself. After fixing my makeup, I grabbed my car keys and left.

A few minutes later I pulled up in front of my old house. I went inside to find Charlie sitting on the couch watching sports as usual.

"Hey Dad."

"Hey Bells. You look good," He said, breaking away from the TV long enough to look at me.

"Thanks."

"So, what's up?"

"Just wanted to drop by, make sure you were feeding yourself properly," I said, eyeing the empty pizza box lying on the coffee table.

"I'm a grown man, Bells. I can take care of myself," He grunted. I rolled my eyes.

"How about I make us some dinner?"

"Sounds good. There's fish in the fridge," My stomach churned unpleasantly at the mention of fish. I willed myself not to throw up in my dad's living room.

"I'll just head to the grocery store, pick up a few things," I said once the nausea had passed.

"Alright," he chuckled.

About half an hour later, I was back at Charlie's making dinner while he watched TV. Once I finished, we sat down in the kitchen and ate quietly.

"So, how's work?" Charlie asked.

"Work is good, I've been pretty busy, but it's good," I answered.

"I actually have some news," I began after a few minutes of silence. Charlie must have sensed it was important because he stopped eating and looked at me expectantly.

"Edward finally pop the question?" he asked.

"No. That's not it."

"Then, what is it?" he asked.

"I, umm…" I trailed off. "The thing is…" I stopped again.

"Bella…" he said.

"I'm pregnant," I finally blurted out.

"You're what now?" I definitely had his full attention now.

"Pregnant," I almost whispered.

"Where's Edward?" he almost barked out after a few minutes of silence.

"He's tied up at work," I answered avoiding his eyes.

"Don't you think he should be here with you now?"

"I do. It's not that I don't think he should be here. He's just really busy with work. He's about to be made partner."

"Work is just work. Family comes first," he grumbled. "He should be here, taking care of you."

"I don't need him to take care of me. I can take care of myself," Now I grumbled.

"Well then, he should be here to take care of his child."

"It's not like he can do much now. The baby pretty much goes where I go," I pointed out.

"I'm just saying, he should there for you is all."

Without even realizing it, Charlie hit the mark with his words. I tried my best not to let it get to me and to enjoy the rest of my time with him before I went back home. Edward was already home when I got there. He was in bed working on his laptop. Since I was still completely pissed off at him, I ignored him while I got ready for bed.

"Hey," He greeted me softly, looking up from his computer.

"Hi," I muttered.

"How is Charlie?"

"Fine," I said while I took off my clothes.

"Did you have a nice time?"

"You mean despite you blowing me off yet again? Yes, I had a lovely time," I said in a very sarcastic manner.

"Bella," He stopped to sigh deeply. "I'm sorry. Something came up at the last minute. I had no idea I'd have to go to court."

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" I answered in a clipped tone.

We both remained quiet after that. Once I was ready for bed, I got in and turned to lie on my side before reaching over to the nightstand and turning off the lamp. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I heard Edward typing on his computer for a few minutes before he stopped. A few seconds later I felt him softly caressing my hair. My eyes welled up with tears, and soon they were running down my face. I tried to be as still as possible, because Edward thought I was asleep, and I didn't want him to see me crying.

The following morning I got up feeling exhausted. I'd hardly got any sleep the night before, even after Edward went to sleep. His side of the bed was cold when I woke up, meaning he had been up for a while. I went into the kitchen to make breakfast and found a note from Edward saying he had to be at the office early. I wanted to scream in frustration. The rest of the morning only continued to get worse, as a number of unexpected complications came up at work, making things extremely hectic. On top of that, the baby decided it didn't like what I'd had for breakfast; therefore I spent my time dealing with clients in between trips to the bathroom to empty my stomach. By the time I got home that night I was exhausted.

Edward was quiet as usual, and I was beginning to lose my mind. I figured it was a good time to put my plan into motion. After dinner, once we were both settled in bed I broached the subject of the baby.

"I went to the bookstore the other day. I got a book of baby names," I mentioned casually.

"Did you?" he asked distractedly while going over some papers from work.

"Yeah. I didn't get a chance to look at it yet."

"Hmm," he mumbled.

"Maybe we could take a look at it together."

"Sure."

"I got a book for you too. _The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be. _It's supposed to be really good. The lady at the bookstore recommended it,_" _I commented.

"I'll take a look at it," he answered. I sighed deeply.

"I was thinking that maybe this weekend we could go look at cribs and stuff for the baby."

"Isn't it a bit early to do that?" he asked, looking up for the first time since the conversation started.

"We're not going to buy, we're just going to look. We are gonna need a lot of stuff," I said.

"Yeah. Maybe," he said noncommittally.

Soon enough, I entered the twelfth week in my pregnancy. I definitely looked pregnant by now. As soon as I mentioned shopping to Alice, she dragged Rosalie and me to all kinds of stores where she proceeded to pile clothes for me to try on. I ended up coming back with practically an entire wardrobe's worth of maternity clothes. I was scheduled to go see Doctor Bradley today for my first ultrasound. I was very excited about the prospect of hearing the baby's heartbeat. Because it was too soon to feel any movement, I was really looking forward to hearing the heartbeat. It would make everything seem that much more real.

I was dreading asking Edward whether he would go with me or not. He had been really busy with work, and I knew he was really uncomfortable about the appointment. Finally, I gathered the courage and asked him. As usual he was too busy and apologized profusely. I felt the familiar burst of anger mixed with disappointment and sadness creep up, but I decided not to let this get me down. Today was an important day and I wanted to enjoy it, even if it was by myself.

My appointment was at three p.m. I left the office before lunch, giving Sophie instructions to lock up at the end of the day. I went home to have lunch and a shower and then headed towards Doctor Bradley's office. Once I was finally inside her office, she instructed me to get on the examining table and to lift up my shirt. She squirted some of the gel and then pressed the ultrasound device to my belly. She moved it around and examined the image on the screen, pointing out some things to me. Then I was able to hear the heartbeat. Tears poured from my eyes as I heard the beautiful sound that sounded like galloping horses. Once we were finished, I wiped my stomach and sat at her desk.

"Well, everything seems to be going well. The baby should be about two inches long, roughly the size of a lime," Doctor Bradley smiled at me. "You're just about to enter your second trimester which means the risk of miscarrying will decrease significantly."

I smiled and lightly rubbed my stomach. I was still amazed to feel the hardness of my skin that had stretched to accommodate the baby.

"Are you experiencing any type of discomfort, aside from morning sickness?"

"My skin itches, especially my stomach," I said.

"That's perfectly normal. Your stomach itches because the skin has stretched. If it bothers you too much there are some things you can do to help with that. First of all, you should try to avoid hot showers or baths since the hot water can dry out the skin and make the itching worse. You can use mild soap, making sure to rinse it off thoroughly and then towel off lightly. Then you should slather on some unscented moisturizer."

"Okay, so I shouldn't worry about the itchiness? I asked.

"Well, if the itchiness becomes more intense, particularly during the second and third trimester you should probably schedule a consult so that I can have a look. Severe itchiness in the second and third trimester can be a sign of a condition called intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy. However, it's a pretty rare condition that usually affects only one percent of women, so I wouldn't worry about it." She smiled reassuringly at me.

EPOV

I sighed heavily, slumping against the counter in the bar I was currently sitting in, nursing a beer. Everything felt completely out of control. I felt out of control. All the emotions that everyone had assured me would go away only seemed to have intensified in the last few weeks. Seeing Bella pregnant was absolutely bittersweet for me. It was painful. I could hardly stand to look at her most days. She looked so unbelievably beautiful. She was made to be a mother. She was made to be carrying life. But she deserved someone who would be there for her, someone who would go with her to the doctor's appointments, who would go through that stupid book and try to find the perfect name, someone who would help her decorate a nursery and pick out a crib and clothes and everything that the baby would need. She deserved someone who would treat her right. Someone who could enjoy this with her. Instead, she got stuck with an asshole who constantly hurt her feelings, someone who put work before her and their child, someone who could barely breathe at the mere thought of being a father. Someone who was too much of a coward to admit that he was terrified of being a father and instead of being there to listen to his child's heart beating was hiding in a bar, drinking. He flipped his cell phone open and looked at the time. Three o'clock. She deserved much better.

* * *

***AN:**

**Hello everyone! First of all, I would like to apologize for the delay. I know I said I would try to have this chapter out in a week but I had a very complicated week and then I had a hard time finding inspiration to write but here it is! I was extremely happy with the response I got to the previous chapter so I hope you'll enjoy this one too!**

**I'd like to thank my beta as usual, tiffanyanne3, and send her all my love and support to her and her family!**

**Hopefully next chapter won't take as long as this one did to write. I'm really looking forward to hearing from you!**

**Love, Rory*  
**


	4. So over

EPOV

I felt like I was suffocating with guilt. I'd never imagined it would weigh on me like it was, but then again, I had never done something as horrible, cowardly, selfish as I had done to Bella. I felt exhausted, emotionally drained and pretty much disgusted with myself. I knew I had to talk to Bella. Sooner or later the truth would come out, and it would probably be a lot better if I admitted to Bella what I felt. A better man than me would have been honest. A better man than me would have let Bella go. A better man than me would put the needs of the woman he loved and his unborn child before his own. Unfortunately I was not that man. I was a coward, a selfish bastard who would rather hurt Bella by being dishonest instead of telling her the truth and letting her go. After all, there was no way Bella would stay after she found out how I felt about the baby. I never should have let things go this far. I should have told her long ago. There was nothing I could do now. The end was near; I could feel it already. Me not going to the doctor's appointment, after cancelling on her so many times, would probably be the last straw for her. It was just a matter of time before she either packed up her stuff or kicked me out. I deserved to be kicked out. I deserved much worse. The worst thing was that Bella would never do to me what I really deserved. She wouldn't be mean, she wouldn't try to hurt me, she wouldn't be spiteful or hurtful in any way. She would just accept what I said, face the reality of my words and move on. She would be strong for herself and the baby. She would be strong because she was a strong woman. And she deserved much better than me.

Once I got home the day of the appointment, I went straight to the room we used as an office. Bella hadn't arrived yet, so I decided to keep myself busy with some work until she came home. About an hour later I heard the door being opened. I was tempted to go greet her, but I decided to stay where I was and wait to gauge her emotions. She walked past the office and went straight to our bedroom. I waited a few minutes before following her. She was changing into some sweats when I walked in. I was just about to say something when I noticed an envelope on the nightstand. While she changed, I opened the envelope and found a picture inside. It was a picture of the sonogram she'd just had. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I remained frozen, staring at the picture until I looked up to find Bella looking at me with a heartbroken look on her face.

"I think I'm going to stay at Alice's for a few days. I need some time," she whispered. I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces.

"Bella…" I trailed off. I wanted to beg her to stay, to beg her forgiveness, to promise to her that I would change, that I would do whatever it took for her to stay, that things would be different, and that she wouldn't have to go through anything alone again. It was like my throat had been fused shut. I couldn't say anything, maybe because deep down I knew that reason I wanted to say those things was to get her to stay with me, because I knew that her leaving me would destroy me.

She looked at me and I knew she was waiting, hoping that I would ask her to stay, hoping that I would show her how much I loved her and the baby and that I needed them both in my life. I lowered my eyes to the floor because I was a fucking coward, and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand the look on her face when she realized I had disappointed her yet again.

I could only watch as she packed a few bags with some clothes and things she would need for work. The silence in the apartment was overwhelming. I wanted to scream, to run, to throw something against the wall, anything to break the silence that was suffocating.

"When will you be back?" I whispered.

"I don't know," she answered. We both talked in hushed tones. It was as if we were both afraid even the slightest noise would shatter what was left between us.

"Can I see you while you stay there?"

"I don't know, Edward. Things between us are not okay; I'm not okay here, and seeing each other only makes it more difficult."

"I'm not saying right now, but maybe I could go visit you in a few days," I said in a hopeful voice.

"I don't know. We'll talk," she said standing up to gather her bags.

"We will?" I asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yes, I'll call you."

"Let me help you with those," I said, trying to take the bags from her.

"No," she said in a firm voice. "You have to stay in here. I need you to stay in here when I go," she said, her voice breaking.

"Bella," I said, my voice breaking as well.

"Please," she said. "We'll talk soon."

I walked over to her slowly, and I placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. We were both crying when I pulled away. We pressed our foreheads together and just stayed like that for a moment.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too. But I have to go now."

"Take care of yourself, please."

"I will," she said.

I didn't turn around to watch her leave.

* * *

BPOV

I pulled up in front of Alice's house to find her waiting for me at the door. I got out of the car slowly and approached her. Neither of us said anything while she hugged me.

"I need to get my bags out of the trunk," I whispered.

"Jazz will get them; don't worry. Let's get you inside. I'll make us some chocolate," Alice said, and I nodded my head. I felt numb, like even getting out words was too much of an effort.

Alice and I spent the next few hours talking. Well, she talked and I cried for the most part. I showed her the photo of the sonogram, which made me cry even more. I was emotionally drained and completely exhausted by the time I went to bed, however, I found myself staring at the ceiling wide awake. I felt incredibly lonely. It was the first time I'd be sleeping without Edward in years. Despite everything that had happened lately, I still missed him like crazy. I missed his smile, his laughter, his affection. I missed everything that had made me fall in love with him. I knew I was doing the right thing. Putting some distance between us was the only way I could get some perspective about our situation and make a decision, even if it was the most difficult decision I would ever have to make. Leaving Edward, even if it was for a few days, was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I decided to leave for good. But I knew something had to be done. I couldn't let things go on the way they had been. As much as I loved him, I had my baby to think about now.

As I thought about the baby, I began to wonder what kind of life I'd be able to provide for him or her. Would I be a good mother? My own mother hadn't exactly set the best example for me, but I knew I'd try my hardest to be the best mom I could. I wondered if my baby would have to go through what I went through as a child. Shuffling between one parent and the other, having two houses in different cities, two different rooms, living two different realities. Despite the divorce, my parents' relationship remained cordial, almost friendly. Though they didn't have much contact with each other, I never had to suffer through custody battles or constant arguments that would put me in the middle of their disputes. They had always put me before their own needs. Was that what life would be like for this baby too? Would he have to split his time between Edward and me? Would he have two houses? Would his father even be in his life?

I wasn't sure which scenario scared me more. Was I risking a potential custody battle with Edward if we separated? Or would Edward disappear from this child's life once I was gone?

I woke up the following day with a terrible headache. I tried my best to go about my days as usual, but that seemed to be even more painful than acknowledging all the things that had changed in the last twenty-four hours. I went to work as usual, had my meetings with clients as usual, had lunch as usual, and then went home at the same time as usual. I'd done everything as usual, except I felt like I was walking around with a huge hole in my chest. I felt empty, shallow, like a vital part of me was missing. Focusing on work had pretty much required all my efforts. It was all I could do not to think about Edward. I could feel myself itching to grab my phone and call him. It seemed like I was staring at my phone every five seconds, debating whether to call him or not. I half-expected him to call me even though I'd told him I'd call in a few days. It had been less than twenty-four hours since I'd left, and I was just about ready to call him and beg to go back. But I was able to remain strong, reminding myself that I was doing this for my benefit and for the baby. The baby had to come first.

A few days went by in the same way. I was almost ready to drop dead from exhaustion. I was sleeping very little at night and was naturally tired because of the pregnancy. I looked like an absolute mess. Alice had been on my case to call Edward. She was beginning to get worried about me, based on my appearance. I couldn't say that I blamed her; I did look like I was hanging by a thread. I decided to call Edward once I got home from work.

Once I got to Alice's, I made myself a hot bath to try to relax my muscles. Once I was thoroughly relaxed, I changed into some sweats and dialed Edward's number.

"Hey!" he answered on the second ring.

"Hi." There was an awkward pause before I continued. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, not at all. I was just wondering when you'd call." I could hear him smile and it made me want to smile as well.

"Sorry I took so long. Work has been hectic."

"That's okay. How are you?"

"I'm okay, just a little tired. It's been a long couple of days," I said. He was quiet for a bit.

"I'm tired too. I'm having a bit of trouble sleeping without you," he whispered. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," I whispered. I let out a long breath, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"Do you think you'll come back soon?"

"Not yet," I said. "I just need a little bit of time to myself," I continued.

"Could I see you? Tomorrow maybe?" he asked. I debated with myself before answering.

"Sure, you could come over after work if you want," I suggested.

"Sure, that'd be great. I have some news to share," he said with a smile.

"Good news, I hope."

"Yeah, definitely good news."

"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," I said.

"Absolutely. Goodnight, Bella."

"Night, Edward," I whispered before hanging up. I felt a little bit better after our call. I knew things were still the same and I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I couldn't help but wonder if maybe a few days away from each other was what it would take for things to get better between us.

The next day went by in a blur; at least it seemed like it to me. I was determined to stay focused during work, but my mind kept drifting to Edward. He sounded genuinely happy to talk last night, and I had to admit I was terribly curious about his news. I'd told Alice about our conversation the day before, which was why when I got home I found a note on the dining room table saying that Alice and Jasper had gone grocery shopping. Clearly, Alice thought it would be a good idea to give Edward and me some privacy.

I had just finished getting dressed after taking a shower when the doorbell rang. I tried to contain my excitement over seeing Edward again, but I didn't think I was doing a very good job.

I opened the door to find Edward, looking as beautiful as ever, smiling at me and holding a beautiful bouquet of white roses.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"These are for you," he replied, extending the flowers to me. I grabbed them and brought them to my face to smell them.

"Thank you. They're beautiful. Come on in," I said while moving aside to let him in.

"Are you by yourself?"

"Yeah, Alice and Jasper had to go grocery shopping," I answered while I went to the kitchen to put the flowers in water. We headed towards the living room and sat facing each other on the couch.

"How are you doing? You look a bit tired," he said, concerned.

"I'm okay. I'm just not sleeping all that well. How about you?"

"Okay, I guess. It's just really weird being at the apartment without you. It's too quiet."

We both stayed silent for a bit after that. Neither of us really knew what to say. There were plenty of things that needed to be discussed, but it seemed neither of us was ready for that.

"So, what's this good news you mentioned?" I asked. Edward chuckled.

"You're so impatient. I knew that'd be the first thing you asked."

"Well, you left me intrigued."

"You know that case that I've been working on the last few months?" I nodded my head. "Well, we won. It was a very complicated case, and my bosses were really counting on a favorable outcome for us, so they were definitely pleased with how it turned out."

"That's great," I said hoping my enthusiasm for him shone through my tired eyes.

"That's not really my good news." He laughed. "My bosses were so pleased, with my performance particularly, that they want to make me partner at the firm."

"Oh my God! That's amazing!" I exclaimed right before I launched myself at him and hugged him. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you. I still can't believe it. I never expected them to do this." his smile was so big it could hardly fit his face.

"Well, you deserve it. You've worked so hard on that case."

"Anyways, they're throwing a party next week, to celebrate winning the case and me making partner," he said, pulling out a white envelope from his jacket pocket. He gave me the envelope and looked at me expectantly. "I know things have been difficult between us lately, but it would mean the world to me if you were there."

I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to be there, to celebrate this amazing accomplishment. It had been his dream for the longest time, and I knew I'd never forgive myself if I wasn't there to share it with him. On the other hand, I was still incredibly hurt about the way he'd treated me and his indifference towards the baby. Was I ready to put all that aside?

"Just think about it, okay?" he asked softly.

"No, I'll be there," I whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"Are you sure? Because I'd understand if you didn't want to go."

"This is your biggest accomplishment, your dream." I paused. "I can't not be there."

"Okay. Thank you," he said, looking into my eyes. I could see it really meant a lot that I'd agreed to go. I pulled my eyes away to read the invitation.

"Aww, geez," I complained.

"What?" he asked perplexed.

"I'm gonna have to go shopping for a dress."

Edward laughed.

"You're the only woman I know who would complain about shopping."

"If Alice dragged you through thousands of stores every time you went shopping, you'd complain too."

"Then don't take Alice with you," he said, looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Have you met your sister? She'd never speak to me again if I didn't take her," I pointed out. "Plus, she'll go too, which means she'll want a new dress as well."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad." I gave him a look which made him laugh. "Okay, that was a lie."

The door opened to reveal Alice and Jasper each carrying grocery bags. We exchanged hellos and chatted for a few minutes.

"You staying for dinner, Edward?" Jasper asked. We looked at each other before he answered.

"No, that's okay. I should go." We both stood up and walked to the door.

"We'll talk again?" he asked. I nodded my head.

"I'll call you."

"Okay, take care," he said placing a kiss on my forehead.

"You too," I whispered. I watched as he got into his car and drove away.

After dinner, I sat with Alice, telling her about my conversation with Edward, his promotion and the party we were invited to. Just as I'd thought, she squealed at the prospect of shopping and promptly called Rosalie to share the news and arrange for a shopping trip for the three of us. Despite the fact that I was dreading going shopping, I was looking forward to a spa day as Rose had suggested.

Two days later, my feet and back were expressing their deep dislike of shopping as we went from store to store looking for the perfect dresses, as Alice had said. As if shopping hadn't been difficult enough before, I now had to find a dress that would fit my new "curves," as Rose had put it. Basically, I needed a dress that would fit my big belly.

It certainly didn't help matters for my ego when Alice bought a dress that I was pretty sure Jasper would need scissors to get off her, and Rosalie wound up with a little red number that showed off all her assets. It was only natural that I'd be the last to find a dress. After trying on what seemed like a million dresses, mostly at Rosalie and Alice's insistence, I found a dress that I actually liked. It was a simple, knee length, black dress with a ruched empire waist that tied at the back. The most surprising thing about the dress was that it actually looked good on me. All in all, despite my aching feet and back, I arrived at Alice's quite pleased with the whole experience.

A few days before the party, Rose, Alice and I went to a spa to relax and enjoy ourselves. We had a relaxing massage, and then got a facial and also a manicure and pedicure. It was the best way to relieve all the tension and stress I'd been feeling since I'd been staying at Alice's. Soon enough, it was the day of the party. Since I wasn't officially going as Edward's date, I decided to drive in my own car. Regardless of the fact that Edward and I had agreed we weren't going together, all the people from the firm knew me as Edward's girlfriend.

I arrived right along Alice and Jasper. We got out of our cars and went inside the ballroom where the party was being held. I spotted Edward almost as soon as I walked in. He didn't notice me because he was talking to one of his bosses, so I decided I'd wait to go over and say hello. While we waited, Alice, Jasper and I chatted while they enjoyed a glass of champagne and I drank water. I kept darting my eyes over to where Edward was still talking to his boss. Suddenly, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around to see Carol Lambert, the wife of one of Edward's colleagues.

"Bella, it's so wonderful to see you!" she exclaimed. I turned around to hug her.

"Carol, it's so great to see you!" I said as we pulled away. "This is Alice, Edward's sister, and her husband Jasper," I introduced them.

"Carol Lambert, nice to meet you," she said. She turned to me and looked at me with a surprised look on her face. "Look at you! You look amazing. I had no idea you were pregnant."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "Jason didn't tell you?"

"I don't think he knew either. I'm sure he would have told me. You know my husband loves to gossip," she quipped. I gave an uneasy laugh.

"I'm sure Edward was just being careful not telling people. You know how paranoid men can be," she said in a reassuring manner.

"So, no one here knew?" I asked, looking around the room. That was when I noticed most of the people I'd met at these parties looking at me.

"Oh no, it was quite a surprise. I guess you and Edward have a lot to celebrate tonight," she said lightly touching my belly.

"Yeah," I said, a bit dazed. My eyes kept looking for Edward.

"Well, it was wonderful to see you. I hope we can catch up sometime," Carol said before saying goodbye.

"Bella, are you okay?" I turned to see Jasper looking at me concerned. I nodded my head.

"I just need to go to the ladies room. Excuse me," I whispered before darting to the bathroom. But things only got worse once I got there. Three more women came up to me to express their surprise about the baby. My head was just about ready to explode. I don't know how long I stayed there before Alice and Rose came to check on me.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked. They both rushed over to me once they saw me.

"Come here, sit down," Rose led me to one of the chairs that was there. "You look really pale. Do you feel sick?"

"You've been here so long that Edward asked us to check on you," Alice said.

At the mention of Edward's name, I simply broke down. I couldn't stop the sobs that came out. My body was shaking with the intensity. Alice and Rose tried their best to get me to calm down.

"Bella, what's going on? Why are you crying like this?" Rose asked.

"I am such an idiot," I cried. "I though things were going to be different. I thought things were getting better."

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked.

"Edward," I gasped. "He doesn't want anything to do with the baby."

"What?" they both asked at the same time.

"He completely avoids everything that has to do with this baby. He was never happy about this pregnancy. He doesn't talk about the baby, he hasn't gone to one of my doctor's appointments, and now I came here only to find out that he hadn't told anyone that I'm pregnant," I sobbed.

"Maybe he's just nervous," Alice said. Rose scoffed at that.

"I can't keep making excuses for him." Once I calmed down I went over to the sink and splashed some water on my face.

"What are you going to do?" Rose asked.

"I'm leaving," I whispered. I rummaged around in my purse and fished out my car keys.

"You're too upset to drive," Alice said.

"I'm taking a cab. Could you drive my car home?" I asked Alice, giving her my keys.

"Maybe you should stay, find Edward and try to talk things through," Alice pleaded.

"There's nothing to talk about ,Al. It's over."

* * *

***AN**

**Hello! I'm back, finally! I hope you haven't given up on me, I know I'm a horrible, terrible person but my computer was down for the longest time and writer's block just wouldn't leave me alone! I'm not making excuses, I swear! I apologize for the long wait and I really hope to hear your thoughts on this one! I hope you'll enjoy it!**

**Many thanks to my wonderful, ever patient beta, the lovely miss** **tiffanyanne3.**

**Love, Rory*  
**


	5. Numb

**EPOV**

The first hour I was at the party was spent talking to all my friends and colleagues who approached to congratulate me. I saw Bella come in while I was

talking to one of the senior partners. I was itching to cut the conversation short and go greet Bella so that I could tell her how beautiful she looked in her

dress. Just when I thought I'd be able to make my escape, someone else came up to me. I lost sight of Bella for a while. I thought I'd seen her go into the

bathroom a while ago, but I didn't see her come out. Finally, I was able to break away from the conversation and was just about to go find Bella when I

ran into Alice and Rosalie. They both narrowed their eyes when they saw me approach.

"Have you seen Bella?" I asked.

"She's left," Rosalie told me icily. I looked at her and Alice, trying to decipher why they were looking at me like they wanted to rip my head off.

"What do you mean, she's left? Where did she go?" I was starting to get pissed.

"Home," answered Alice. I sighed, frustrated.

"Okay, this conversation is like pulling teeth. Could one of you please tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"Bella left because you're a goddamn asshole who doesn't care about anyone except himself," Rosalie hissed before marching off.

"Alice, what is going on?" I pleaded. She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about the baby?" she whispered. I was momentarily speechless.

"Is that why Bella left?"

"I can't help you, Edward. I'm sorry." she said before she turned to leave. Before she could get away I grabbed her arm.

"Alice," I whispered. I didn't really know what to say.

"You need to make a decision. You can't have it both ways. If you don't love this baby, then you have to let Bella go." A tear slipped down her cheek

before she left.

I was pretty much speechless. I wanted to run out of the room as fast as I could and go find Bella, to beg her to stay with me, to plead her not to leave

me, to tell her that things would be different. But I couldn't, because I knew things wouldn't change.

* * *

I left the party as soon as I was able to without pissing off my bosses. I got in my car and drove towards our apartment, hoping that I would find Bella

there. I knew it was hopeless, because she wouldn't be there. My Bella was a smart woman; she would get away from me as soon as she could. I finally

arrived and parked the car in front of our home. I looked up and noticed all the lights were off; just as I'd thought, she wasn't there.

Numb. That's how I felt. Despite the fact that I'd been expecting this, it was still a gut-wrenching feeling. I felt like all the breath had been knocked out of

me. I'd been without her for a few hours, and I already felt like I was drowning. Like my heart had been ripped out of me. I was dreading going inside,

because I already knew what I would find inside: her absence. I also knew that going inside and seeing for myself, confirming what my mind already knew

would break me. There was no way I could ever stay at that apartment. Before I could talk myself out of it, I started my car and headed towards the place

I was sure I'd find her.

I knocked on the door, and a few seconds later I was greeted by Alice.

"Edward," she sighed.

"Just let me talk to her, Alice," I pleaded.

"You can't just…" she began before I interrupted her.

"I know. I just need to say something to her. Please," my voiced cracked. She must have sensed my desperation, because she moved aside to let me in. I

headed towards the guest bedroom. I knocked on the door, and a few seconds later I was greeted by Bella's tear-streaked face, her eyes widening once

she realized it was me.

"Get out," she said once the shock wore off.

"Please, I just need to talk to you."

"Are you going to try and make excuses about tonight?" she spat.

"No, nothing like that. I want to apologize."

"For what? For having humiliated me or for the way you've been treating me all this time?" I was rendered speechless. I knew nothing I could say would

make up for my behavior, but I had to try nonetheless.

"What are you sorry for, Edward?" she continued. "Are you sorry that I finally realized how little this baby means to you? How little _I _mean to you? Are you

sorry that I got pregnant? Or are you sorry you even met me at all?" I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.

"Don't you dare say that," I snapped at her. "_You _are the best thing that ever happened to me."

"You sure have a funny way of showing that," she whispered, tears falling down her face. I felt my own tears slipping down.

"I just have one question," she whispered after a few seconds of silence. "Why?"

"I tried, Bella. I really tried. You have no idea how much I wanted to want this baby, to love it, to feel anything towards it. But I can't. I can't," I sobbed.

"All I feel is fear and anxiety and the overwhelming feeling I'm going to screw up; that I'm going to screw _him _up."

"So, that's it? You're just going to walk away from us?" She cried.

"I have to do what's best for you. Even if that means giving you up." I felt my throat constrict painfully.

"I'll stop by the apartment in a few days to get my stuff," she whispered, breaking our stare.

"Don't," I pleaded. "I want you to keep the apartment. I'll go."

"Edward…" she began to protest before I cut her off.

"Bella, please," I begged. "Keep it." She nodded her head silently.

"I'm gonna get out of here, cause I just can't watch you leave," she whispered and the tone of her voice simply shattered my heart. Before she could

leave, though, I walked over to her and cradled her face between my hands. I placed a slow, firm kiss on her head and pressed my forehead against hers.

We were both sobbing at this point.

"I love you, Bella. I always will. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better man for you," I whispered. "For both of you," I said, lightly placing my hands on her small,

rounded belly.

A few minutes later I found myself briskly walking towards the front door, trying not to break down. I heard footsteps trailing behind me but paid no

attention. I was just about to open the door when I heard Alice call me.

"Edward," she said. I turned to look at her and saw she was crying as well. "What are you doing? You can't leave!" she exclaimed.

"I can't do this right now, Alice," I said, turning towards the door once more.

"You can't," she began to say before she was cut off.

"Alice, let him go," Jasper said softly, placing his hands on her shoulders to comfort her. I turned to look at him. He was watching me with a mixture of pain

and sadness. He nodded to me. I nodded back before I left.

I drove around for a while, not really knowing what to do or where to go. I needed something to distract me, to keep my mind off of things. I knew that as

soon as I sat still, I would be overcome by my feelings. Without realizing it, I ended up on Emmet's door. It was almost midnight by then.

"Hey," he greeted me softly, taking in my disheveled appearance. I must have looked a fright if Emmet bypassed his usual remarks about my appearance.

"I don't really know what I'm doing here," I murmured. Emmet nodded his head and move out of the way inviting me in. I walked in and came face to face

with Rosalie.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she spat.

"Rose…" Emmet tried to placate her, to no avail.

"He's not staying here," she cut him off. I glowered at her.

"He's my brother," Emmet said. I raised my hand to stop him. The last thing I needed was to cause a fight between my brother and his wife.

"It's okay, Em, I'll just go."

"You're not in the right state of mind to be driving," he said.

"Maybe he'd be in a better state of mind if he wasn't a self-absorbed asshole," Rosalie barked.

"Maybe you should mind your own fucking business," I snapped. I turned to say goodbye to Emmet.

"I'll talk to you later," I mumbled.

"You don't have to go," insisted Emmet.

"Yes, he does," Rosalie growled.

"That's enough, Rosalie," Emmet snapped at her. I simply got back in my car and drove.

I arrived at my parents' house about ten minutes after leaving Emmet's place. I was feeling exhausted, emotionally and physically. I walked up to the door

and found my dad waiting for me. He clapped me on the back and led me inside the house silently. My mom was waiting for us in the kitchen.

"Sweetheart, what happened?" she asked as soon as I sat down.

"Bella and I broke up," I murmured. We spent the next hour talking about everything that had happened since Bella had found out she was pregnant. I

had to admit it felt really good to be able to get everything out.

"So, what do you plan to do now?" my dad asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I need to find a place to live; I need to get my stuff out of the apartment."

"Well, you're always welcome to stay here," my dad said.

"Thanks," I said. My mom walked over to me and kissed me goodnight. Carlisle was just about to leave as well when I stopped him.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" I asked him. He hesitated before answering.

"I think what you're feeling is completely normal. I think your fear of letting Bella down shows how much you love her," he said. We stared at each other

for a while before I broke the silence.

"You didn't really answer my question," I pointed out. He chuckled lightly.

"I think you'd make a wonderful father, and I think you'd see that if you'd just give yourself the chance to try."

"How can you be so calm about this?" I asked, perplexed. "You and mom. I just told you I've abandoned my girlfriend and child."

"You're my son, Edward. No matter what happens, we will always love and welcome you. It doesn't matter if we agree with what you're doing or not.

We'd never turn you away," he said. He must have sensed that his answer hadn't really done anything to calm my anxiety. He walked over to me and

placed his hand on my shoulder.

"You're a good man," he whispered. "I trust you'll make the right decision. Everything will work out in due time. You'll see."

That night, while I lay in my childhood bed staring up at the ceiling, I thought about my father's words. I could only hope and pray that he was right. 

* * *

**BPOV**

I spent the following two days after our breakup in Alice's guest room. Even though Alice and Rosalie repeatedly came into my room to try and cheer me

up, nothing was working. All I wanted to do was to curl up into a little ball and sleep for days. However, I knew I'd have to get up eventually. I had to

keep going. After all, it wasn't just me anymore. I felt tears gather in my eyes at the thought of the baby. The fact that he or she might never know their

father broke my heart.

I decided to take a week off from work, seeing as I desperately need some rest. I was dreading going back to my apartment without Edward, but I was

beginning to feel slightly claustrophobic at Alice's. Even though I knew they were only doing it out of love and concern for me, Alice and Rosalie's constant

visits to my room were getting annoying. I didn't feel like talking, or even crying for that matter. I was pretty much numb. I didn't want to be pitied, I didn't

want sympathy. It's not like I was the first single mother ever, and I certainly wouldn't be the last. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. It was time to get

moving. I was now in the final week of my first trimester, and my doctor had told me the risk of miscarriage was now significantly lower. I decided it was

time to start enjoying my pregnancy and do all the things that I felt like I couldn't do when Edward was around. I needed to start a list of names, I

needed to start researching the best cribs, the most reliable car seats, what kind of clothes to buy, what kind of diapers I would need. I needed to start

thinking about the nursery. I felt some of my despair lift as I thought about the baby. I wondered if it would be a boy or a girl, and who he or she would

look like.

After showering and changing out of my pajamas for the first time in two days, I felt I was ready to head back home. Telling Alice that I was leaving would

surely be a difficult task. She had been extremely worried about me, and though I appreciated everything she and Jasper had done for me, it was time to

get back on my feet. After a tearful goodbye and promises to see each other soon, I got in my car and drove home. I slowly opened the door, unsure as to

what I would find there. At first glance everything seemed the same. However, I could feel as soon as I walked in that everything was different. It was

almost as if I could feel his absence in my bones, down to my very soul. I breathed in deeply, trying to rein my emotions in. I had to get busy. I had to do

something. Otherwise I'd break down, and I wasn't sure I'd be strong enough to get back up. I decided now was as good a time as any to start baby

shopping. Grabbing my credit card, I walked out the door and went to the nearest baby store I could find.

I started looking around, feeling excited for the first time in months, but also a little overwhelmed. There was so much stuff, so many decisions to make

and so many beautiful things to choose from. There were so many things that I instantly fell in love with, but I had to pace myself. I didn't know if the baby

was a boy or a girl, even though I already had a feeling, so I had to steer clear of blue and pink.

I ended up doing a bit of research, consulting with shop assistants about cribs, strollers, and car seats. I was feeling pretty proud of myself for having

found something to take my mind off of Edward that was also practical.

However, I couldn't put off the inevitable. At some point I had to go home. I was having a strong craving for ice-cream, so I stopped by the supermarket

and loaded up on it before going back to my place. I was clutching a pint of ice-cream when I dared to enter the bedroom. Again, not much seemed to

have changed, except for the fact that I knew if I opened a few drawers and Edward's side of the closet, I would find them empty. I tentatively lay on my

side of the bed, careful not to cross over to his side, and dug into my ice-cream. I was quite proud of myself for having made it so far without a nervous

breakdown. However, there was a very strong, deep ache in my chest. It felt like my heart was literally aching. After all the hype of window shopping and

researching baby stuff, I was left with a very disheartening notion. I would have to put a crib together by myself, choose a name by myself, and choose

the safest car seat and the most resilient stroller on my own. I would have to baby-proof the apartment alone. I would have to raise this baby on my own.

I would be responsible for all the decisions in his or her life. There were so many decisions to make, from choosing a color for the nursery to choosing a

name.

In that moment, I felt overwhelmingly alone. Every time I imagined holding my baby for the first time, it became a bittersweet moment, knowing that I

would have no one to share such a beautiful, powerful moment with. Knowing I would have no one to share my baby's milestones with me. No one would

be here to feel the baby's first kicks. No one would be here to see the baby take its first steps, to hear its first words. My baby would say "mommy" once

he or she learned to talk, but never daddy. I didn't even realize I had begun to cry until I felt the first few tears slipping down. Soon enough, the silent

tears gave way to the sobs. Soon enough, the loneliness and heartache gave way to the misery. 

* * *

***AN.**

**I'm back! So sorry for the delay, won't make excuses. I'll just thank my beta, miss tiffanyanne3, for her ever-present patience on my misuse of commas and let you read. Let me know what you think! Loev, Rory***


	6. Closure

BPOV

It was hard to believe how fast time went by. I had no idea how I'd managed, but somehow, I'd made it through the last three months without Edward. It was, by no means, an easy task, but I'd been blessed with a strong support system. However, there was one person who was able to make me keep going no matter what. The little person growing inside of me was the reason for everything I did. Right after Edward left, I felt like I had fallen into a deep depression. No matter how much I tried, and despite everyone's best efforts, I couldn't find the will to get out of bed. I cried all day long. I was lonely and exhausted, emotionally and physically; until I felt the baby kick for the first time. It happened about three weeks ago. It was completely unexpected. The doctor had warned me that it might be happening soon, but no matter how many books I read about pregnancy, or all the things my doctor had explained, nothing could have prepared me for that moment. At first, I was so shocked that I didn't fully understand what had happened. I'd only recognized the movement as something unusual. Then I tentatively put my hands on my belly, directly over the spot where I'd felt the movement and waited; only a few seconds later I was rewarded with a strong kick. I started to laugh and cry at the same time, only this time they were tears of joy. I didn't even care that there was no one with me to share this incredible moment. I felt like I was taking my very first breath of air after months of merely existing. I felt like I was living again. That's when I realized I had to fight, not only for myself but for this precious being that was counting on me to take care of it.

I realized I had much to do if I wanted to be prepared for the baby that was coming, and all the decisions I'd postponed had to be made. I spent hours on the internet, reading every baby and pregnancy- related site I could find, making lists upon lists of the things I'd need to buy and the best places to buy them. Then I started a list of baby names. At first, I'd been anxious to share my ideas with my friends and family. I soon realized that as much as I loved all those around me, I wanted my baby's name to be something that I truly loved; I didn't want to be influenced by other people's opinions or feelings. I signed up for pregnancy Pilates class, and Lamaze class. I didn't ask anyone to come with me, even though all the women in my class had a companion. I'd already decided that if Edward wouldn't be in the delivery room with me, then I preferred to do it alone. Naturally, this decision was challenged by pretty much everyone. The general consensus seemed to be that I was isolating myself. I'd tried to explain that sharing that particular moment with anyone but Edward would be much too painful. I would be extremely glad to have everyone in the waiting room, but I wanted it to be just me and my little baby in the delivery room.

I didn't see Edward again. Even though I continued to have a relationship with Carlisle and Esme, Edward and I never ran into each other. That wasn't a coincidence by any means. I knew Edward had been staying with them since he'd left, but we had carefully maneuvered things so we wouldn't meet accidentally. I knew he'd asked about me several times. Alice made it her mission to inform me of his inquiries whenever we saw each other. I understood why she did it. She was the only one who was still hoping we'd be able to work things out. Rosalie, however, was a completely different story. Whenever Alice would mention Edward, she would snap at her, saying she had to be crazy to defend him after all he'd done. I understood Rosalie's stance too. I was still pissed at Edward for being a coward, for taking the easy way out. I was hurt beyond words by his departure and what it meant for my future and my child's. Reluctantly, I had come to understand that if I wanted to move on with my life and try to be happy, I had to learn to let go of the anger, the hurt, and the resentment. It wasn't easy. Though time had given me some perspective, there were still days when I would bounce from one emotion to the other, feeling overwhelmed by the anger and the hurt, and most of all, by the loneliness.

I had entered the sixth month of my pregnancy. At my last appointment, Doctor Bradley had advised me to start getting the bag ready that I would take with me when I went into labor. She explained that even though there were no signs to indicate that I might go into early labour, it didn't mean that I shouldn't be prepared. Since I had spent the last two months doing research, I already had a pretty good idea of the stuff that I would need. It only took me a few days to get everything ready, but there was one thing that was weighing heavily on my mind. Getting the bag read was like a wakeup call to remind me just how close I was to my due date. All the practical aspects were pretty much taken care of. I'd bought clothes, diapers, a stroller, a car seat, the nursery was painted, and even though I hadn't bought the furniture yet, I already had a pretty good idea of what I wanted. But, I knew there was one more thing I needed to do before the baby arrived.

I'd left work early that morning, since my appointment was at ten o'clock. I was sweating and feeling very nervous. I'd been warring with myself trying to decide whether I would see this through or not. There was a part of me that felt like doing this would be a mistake, that once my feelings cleared I would regret this. But there was another part of me that needed closure, and I felt like this was the only way that I would get it.

I entered the elegantly decorated lobby of -Volturi & Associates- and quickly headed toward the receptionist, indicating to her that I had a ten o'clock appointment with Marcus Feinman. She directed me towards the second floor of the building after telling me she would announce my presence to Mr. Feinman. I discreetly wiped my sweaty hands on my dress pants, hoping to hide some of my nervousness. After a few minutes, the door to Marcus Feinman's office opened and a tall, blond, kind-looking man greeted me.

"Mrs. Swan?" he asked. I stood up and stretched my hand out for him to shake.

"Good morning. I'm Isabella Swan."

"Marcus Feinman. It's a pleasure," he said, moving to the side so that I could enter his office.

He quickly went around his desk and sat in the chair behind it, motioning for me to take a seat on the chair in front of him.

"What seems to bring you here, Mrs. Swan?" he asked.

"Please, call me Isabella," I smiled nervously.

"Very well," he smiled.

"I need some guidance in regards to voluntary termination of parental rights," I said after a few seconds of silence. Mr. Feinman stared at me, trying to decipher the intention behind my request.

"I see," he said. "Are you looking to terminate your rights as a mother?" he asked. I was pleased to note his tone held no judgment.

"Oh no, that's not the case. My baby's father has expressed his desire not to be involved in his or her life. I was thinking that I might want to have it in writing, make it official," I said, with some effort.

"Alright. I have to warn you that should we proceed with the matter at hand, and the father agrees to terminate his rights, you would not be entitled to receive any form of child support."

"That won't be a problem," I said.

"Okay then, our course of action would be to draw up an Affidavit of Waiver of Interest, which I would send to the father. He would have to sign the document and return it to me. Then you and your legal representation would have to go to court to have an Order of Termination drawn up and approved by a judged. Once it is approved, the father's right would be effectively terminated. Are you certain that the father would agree to sign the affidavit?"

"I'm certain," I answered. There was no doubt in my mind.

"Well then, once you are sure that you want to proceed, you can contact me and we'll get started on the paper work."

"I'd actually like to proceed right away. I'm sure this is the right way to go."

"No problem. I will have the papers drawn up and delivered. I just need some information regarding the father," he said. We spent the next twenty minutes gathering all the information needed.

Once everything was settled, I left -Volturi & Associates-. I thought my nerves would disappear after my appointment, but I was still feeling on edge once I left. I knew I had just made a huge decision, probably the biggest one I'd ever have to make. I just hoped it was the right one for my baby's sake.

* * *

*AN

There are no excuses for how long this has taken, but I promise I'm trying to get back into the swing of things so that the next chapter won't take so much time. As always, a big thank you to my ever faithful beta, Miss tiffanyanne3, who managed to proof this for me in spite of how terrible I've been. Enjoy!

Love, Rory*


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